The Evolving Parent

Schedule Time with Me
The Evolving Parent

To the new parent​

I had it in my head that I needed to continue with the same pace as before after having my daughter. My day started at 5:15 am, waking up and going to Yoga at 5:45 am, coming home getting ready for work, getting my daughter fed and ready for the sitter to come, going to work 9-hour days, rushing home, feeding my daughter, bathing her, putting her to bed all by 6:45 pm. I was exhausted. I am lucky to have a husband that helped as much as he could, but let’s call it like it is, mothers always do more when it comes to child rearing. Why did I decide to not slow down even though I could have? Simply, because I thought I had to. I thought I had to please and fulfill the expectations of being a “super mom.” I was absorbed by what I saw growing up and felt pressured by society’s demands that women should and can do it all. I also realize that many other women have it harder, but my point is that I didn’t think I had the choice to make it easier on myself for the sake of my health and my family’s well being. It’s the pressure of staying in shape (lose the baby weight asap), always look put together, take care of my household, be a good wife (aka be and look sexy), take not good, but excellent care of my daughter, have her on the perfect routine so she can sleep all night, and have time for a social life. If this sounds like a lot, it’s because IT IS!
I distinctly remember thinking, if my mom did it this way, I can too. It didn’t occur to me to think that out of necessity she did things her certain way. She did the best she could with the awareness she had at the time. It also didn’t occur to me to think that the position that I was at in my life GAVE ME THE POWER to do things differently. I have a small business that I run, and one of the perks is being able to make my own hours.
I have never taken that privilege for granted, but instead of taking the time to adjust my hours to achieve more balance in my life and be the mom that I wanted to be, NOPE I didn’t take that route. I was operating out of my conditioning to please everyone else first, because I didn’t dare to disappoint others. Sacrificing my health, my time, my self-worth was my style and my way of being. Deep down I knew I was not in balance, and this feeling of inadequacy affected all of my other relationships. Until then, I decided to take charge and explore what core thoughts and beliefs made me. More than anything, I wanted to understand why I was not attuned to my needs, and if I wasn’t attuned to my needs how could I be attuned to my daughter’s. Did I want her to be this way? How could I teach her any different if I didn’t possess the qualities I wanted to see in myself?
Dear new parent, we all have different circumstances that affect the way we are when our parenting journey begins. Do you ever stop to wonder what am I going to teach this little being? I distinctly remember thinking to myself when my daughter was about 6 months old that being a parent is a lot of work, how does the child that doesn’t have a dedicated parent survive or feel it’s importance in this world?” Conscious parenting has helped me understand this to a different degree, and I am so thankful to be on this journey. The saying, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” does imply that children “should be” like their parents, that is a societal norm. However, our “job” as a parent in relation to our children is to ask ourselves, how can I develop and embody the qualities that I want to see in my child? Where did I get my programming? What are the messages I received as a child? Children are not here to be a carbon copy of their parents. They are not here to fulfill what we didn’t accomplish or to make us look good. They are here to teach us, just as much as we can teach them. It is a relationship based on reciprocity. Only, and if only you give yourself a chance to look a little deeper. You can peel away layers to get closer to who you want to be, not who everyone else needs you to be.
Share this post:
Facebook
Twitter
WhatsApp
Email
Pinterest

You might also like

To the new parent​

I had it in my head that I needed to continue with the same pace as before after having my daughter. My day started at 5:15 am, waking up and going to Yoga at 5:45 am, coming home getting ready for work, getting my daughter fed and ready for the

Read More

Yoga, more than a physical practice

My yoga practice started about 20 plus years ago. It started out to be just another way to exercise, especially hot yoga, the more I sweated the better I felt.  Instructors talked about breathing in and breathing out and I could never get it right because I was so focused on getting my workout in and being as flexible as I could be.

Read More